Weighing up self-love and self-protection gets very blurry for me at times. While I want to be open and accept love. I know what I want and what I deserve. Yet, fear still catches up to me. I find myself back in self-protection mode. I remember all my hurt and what is at risk. I remember what it does to my nervous system, my motivation, my presence in my life and my connection with my kids. In the past I felt a need to hide parts about myself because I haven’t been fully

Hello September! What better to talk about than – ‘bring me back to life.’ “I want my spark back.” “I want my inner child back.” What do I mean when I say I want my Spark back? The spark to me is feeling like I have a superpower. My self-love and self-worth that shines so fucking bright I feel invincible. Like I can do anything I put my mind to. Where my curiosity doesn’t die. Where I have emotional depth. Where I am in my femininity, my independence and transformatio

“I need to heal before getting involved with anyone.” My experience with past relationships and talking about my thoughts or feelings, I received excuses, emotional reactions and feeling dismissed. The mind cannot convince a heavy heart. What I’m Processing Now Although I feel like the unhealed me would burden another. The unhealed me is also wiser. I learnt that the feeling I was carrying in my body through my relationship was screaming for change. Maybe the 10 steps

The Chance to Meet Someone As a single mum of two young children everywhere I go and think to myself, they must look at me and assume the father of my kids is at work or at home. Who approaches a mum? Honestly? Let alone pushing my pram around with the fucking exorcist. I don’t think I would approach a dad for the same reason. I’d be feeling like I’m trying to move onto someone else’s man. Or if I approach a single man with no kids even, I think to myself; he must be th

What does it mean to forgive someone? There is more to forgiving someone who hurt me. What is difficult is that forgiving someone doesn’t cancel out your pain. It doesn’t cancel the memory, the pain in your body, the weight in your heart nor the haunting thoughts in mind. Because in some way, what did we overlook? What did we allow? What were we waiting to experience? What were we waiting to learn? If I forgive a person, it’s because I looked at every scenario and reaso

'You shouldn't be a mum if you don’t want to spend time with them or raise them.' 'You shouldn't have a dog if you don’t walk them.' I was my version of a great mum. I used to walk my dog regularly. But I never expected to help my partner so much that I sacrificed my own needs. I never expected to be a single mother of 2 kids, a dog and 2 cats. I never expected my version I was as a great mum would suffer to now being the worst version of me there is. Losing myself

Have you ever questioned – what it is you need to fill when looking for a relationship? What is it about being in a relationship that you seek? Is it companionship, hype in life, or maybe a sense of needing to belong? Next question…do we truly love the person we are becoming? Or is a relationship filling what you can't or won't fill? It’s amazing what we learn about ourselves when we allow the time of day to think and feel about our feelings and choices in life. Life can

Heartbreak, the wound that closes the door to presence and joy. When heartbreak feels heavy that simple things feel too hard or too costly of any energy you have left. What is the cost a person pays when heartbroken? And what is the after effect and how do we carry ourselves through it? You can’t avoid heartbreak. And sometimes when you know that you might get heartbroken at the end, you still need to know… to experience rather than jumping to your conclusion. Whether t

Have you ever put what love is to you in words? I really had to think about it, and I didn’t think I would need to. But I guess life experiences make you question what love is. Because I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t want to get disappointed or let down again. I don’t want to put energy into someone if they can’t do the same. Pouring energy into someone feels like a lot when you’ve been hurt. When I gave so much to the point, I abandoned myself. Love learns bo

I feel so torn between the promise to be so raw, yet I delete so much of my truth. How many of us carry silent pain…silent truth, protecting other people’s feelings? Or maybe it’s the comfort of our lifestyle or theirs? Or is it a societal expectation that’s built walls around you that you may not understand enough if it was ok to step outside of those walls? How strong you are. Whether that’s protecting others or speaking your truth. I want to be somebody to have the emo

I don’t want to be disappointed anymore. I found myself in a position of overwhelm. Managing 2 kids, 3 pets and a household on my own had me feeling so emotionally exhausted that I couldn’t recognize who I was past being a mother and divorce. Life was moving too fast and I felt like I couldn’t take a deep enough breath. I couldn't feel my feet on the ground and lost my sense of security and joy in my life. Well, with time and lessons, I am grateful for the mess. Mess ta

I was on holiday at the time. And there was a phrase used- “Kids are seen, not heard.” I heard this from an older man. This phrase really sat with me. At first, I felt it was harsh. But there he was, talking with other adults with a regulated nervous system and me looking like a cornered rat. The perspective on parenting has changed over the years. Back then it was about – Raising obedient children. Discipline and fear-based consequences. Emotions weren’t the focus here

What happens when we condition ourselves to our childhood traumas? I thought I was confident in who I was. But after divorce, my life shifted. 2 years later I realised I needed to rebuild myself. In order to grow, I stepped out of my comfort zone. In doing so, I come to learn how much I covered up old wounds. I wasn't aware of this at first. But it takes a journey sometimes to come around. Noticing parts of myself I dimmed because I always kind of believed I just - wasn’t

I’m kid free for a day and night. What do I get up to as a single mum? You would think it’s rest. Freedom. Silence. But for me, it feels like a 24-hour countdown. A countdown that starts with stress. What is my top priority now? Do I socialize with my friends and hold an uninterrupted adult conversation? Not always. The kids have dragged toys through the house. I’m behind on the washing, the dishes, the dog poo, the vacuuming, cleaning out my car of old kid snacks

Solo parenting after separation. Suddenly, my future looked so different. It shakes you a bit, and sometimes not all at once, but in fragments along the way. It’s not just the split, the letting go of someone who was once so concrete in your life. It’s the shifts in your daily life environment. Trying to fill the ‘home’, you once felt – and what that looks and feels like now. The internal shifts of needing to reteach yourself how to live and not just survive. Where you

The nights of lying in bed staring at the ceiling. We’ve all been there. “Who am I?” “What do I want to do with my life?” “Should I do this, or shouldn’t I?” “Did I say or do the wrong thing?” “Am I enough?” I wish I understood this sooner. The years I’ve spent trying to figure it all out. But here’s what I’ve come to realise- I am what I feel, not just what I think. My mind is my guide, but my heart decides. For so long, I followed what I believed was right

Dedicated to my dearest friend, a beautiful person left so soon, for greater things than herself. An angel we got to know who walked the earth for a short time. Now. This will be hard to read. Grief and loss, as I know, are hard to connect with. I find it hard to connect and accept reality sometimes. My tears shed for you have mostly been me alone in my car. When something hurts too much, we shut it out. There is a song that opens the door for me every time to connect with