The After Effect of Heartbreak

Heartbreak, the wound that closes the door to presence and joy.

When heartbreak feels heavy that simple things feel too hard or too costly of any energy you have left.

What is the cost a person pays when heartbroken?

And what is the after effect and how do we carry ourselves through it?

You can’t avoid heartbreak. And sometimes when you know that you might get heartbroken at the end, you still need to know… to experience rather than jumping to your conclusion.

Whether that is taking a chance or staying longer than you probably should have.

What’s also difficult is the quality and presence in life you lose, carrying that pain.

This is the after effect of heartbreak. The ache that lingers.

Trying to be present with my kids especially. Thinking… “that year went.”

Trying to find the motivation to keep on top of my household. Hold it together while I do all the run arounds for my kids. Being stuck in my head anytime I’m alone with a heavy heart.

Be careful who you let in. But also, forgive yourself for needing to know. In fact, respect that you lived it. To live in constant wonder is another kind of heartbreak.

Sadly, sometimes it’s not just a week or 2, kind of disappointment. But a yearlong of not feeling your feet on the ground. Just - numb.

A numbness that sticks through months of someone’s life. Maybe even years.

Numbness that sits between you and every other connection in your life.

Probably your nervous system is still trying to find its safe space again.

When a person’s nervous system is triggered into needing to protect themselves, they end up shutting themselves off to other connections. Sometimes it’s not just, “I’ll will move on.”

Because it may not have been the case for them, but if they meant a lot to you, it can easily become a caged way of life… at least for some time.

It becomes a disconnection from true joy and safety. Because where you once found a good connection, it wasn’t safe.

Sometimes people may even think you have kids, or, you have friends or will find someone else to fill that pain.

But truth is…I may be surrounded, but a filled or busy room feels like white noise to someone who’s heartbroken. And all those precious connections right there – feel distant or draining.

Because inside you feel all too much. Too much to play with your kids, too much to stay focused in a conversation with a friend, too much to let any other emotion in, or to get involved with doing the things you usually love to do.

Sometimes, it feels like you’re living in two different dimensions.

Living your life on autopilot and living through painful thoughts and memories that you just can’t switch off. You notice them in the way you think, in the way you respond or the way you connect.

Some people we meet echo through everything we do. And the after effect, affects many more little things in your day…for days on end.

Whether it’s a sudden breakup or a long and slow drift.

I’ve certainly had days of not showering, not eating, sitting and staring into nothing. It’s ok to sit in it. Process, feel and grieve. It’s needed.

Something special comes next. Not another man. But the woman I have become through the after. Getting to know who I am, all over again. With new perspectives, fresher feels, direction and a new purpose from all of this.

To an extent, I know my worth…but I am also learning how much I have doubted myself all my life. How much I needed validation. It cages your soul. And somehow now, I feel like I’m seeing through things I never took in before.

I have pushed through a few fears and my own blocks this year. I have accomplished more than I ever have in the past 5 months. I am learning to believe in myself.

And I truly feel how much I have sacrificed my time, love and energy and where it wasn’t held in return.

This year, I’m investing in me. And this, this fills my cup in many ways I needed, in the many ways – it should be.

And truthfully, it still doesn't cancel out what I carry. But the days are brighter. And I feel lighter.

I'm now always working on building my mental and emotional strength and resilience.

Believing and loving myself first and starting with the choices I make - today.