My View on Love

Have you ever put what love is to you in words?

I really had to think about it, and I didn’t think I would need to.

But I guess life experiences make you question what love is.

Because I don’t want to get hurt again.

I don’t want to get disappointed or let down again.

I don’t want to put energy into someone if they can’t do the same.

Pouring energy into someone feels like a lot when you’ve been hurt.

When I gave so much to the point, I abandoned myself.

Love learns boundaries and earns respect. If you let all your heavy emotional energy fall into the cup of the one you love that promises to be there, to love and support you - that is not love.

That is someone letting you cycle in the lack of self-love and self-doubt.

Love is someone who will call you out on a habit or something bad.

Not cover it up or soften it. Not to shut you down either.

But speaking from learning to understanding it first. But they let you do the work yourself. Because allowing them to constantly lean on you is leaving you to carry the pain

Is that love?

Love is also understanding that some people need time and space to sit in their thoughts and emotions before thinking and responding clearly with the right intentions. Allow them to make the choices right for them.

We have all been through a lot, and we need time and space to work through our old habits. Our emotional reactions and defensive responses, learnt by our past experiences.

It’s what our nervus system is familiar with.

Be someone who allows change and adaption. It takes time to align our thoughts with our mind. Sometimes the other takes longer to catch up.

I don’t expect anyone to love me deeply or stick around unless I love myself enough to look after myself and my values.

No more hiding.

No more shrinking.

I want to grow, learn, and to be better.

I don’t want to feel contained and owned. Settled…

What is settled? Because I settled. But I stopped learning. I stopped growing.

If anything, I lost myself in it.

I don’t want to be with anyone unless they can choose first.

Because I won’t carry someone if they won’t carry themselves.

I appreciate authentic people who are true to their flaws but are willing to learn and grow.

You shouldn’t want or feel the need to change someone or change for anyone but learn the difference when someone can acknowledge and show that they are actively working on it because they want to do better for themselves. That is when it is a healthy relationship.

I don’t want to waste time on anything that isn’t real and authentic.

I have a life to build full of memories. I want presence, love and support.

Not a provider, not a protector or savior.

If a man says to me, I want to be a provider, my mind thinks that you won’t be present with me, and I’ll only feel alone and not supported in the way I want to be loved and supported.

What I love about me in relationships –

I look to understand the other person’s reactions, responses and behaviors. Not everyone likes this about me. But I do. And that is my favourite quality about myself in a relationship.

What I am learning to love about me – That I have been fearful and stepping into the light of my more authentic self. Also, something not everyone will like about me. Good. Because I love me first.

What I dislike about me in relationships –

Although I can come across as calm and grounded at times of my life, some situations and circumstances stress me out and I verbally and expressively express that. I’m aware that I haven’t believed in myself for a long time deep down. I have a lot of self-doubt. I can also be a very distracted person and not always think about things I say and do. So, I can be quite self-absorbed.

I also gave a lot to the point I would pour all of me into someone, and that’s self-sacrificing.

I’m really hoping I’ve learnt that one.

I think I’ve realized I’ve fought to save and keep relationships. I was always committed. I understand I long or possibly need to be seen in return because I didn’t fully love or believe in myself enough when I thought I did. And I was working for that desire to be truly seen. I shouldn’t have to work for that. And I should and am learning to love myself more.

To me - love is noticing.

Noticing why I paused, why I went quiet… why I tried extra hard. Love is a genuine interest in learning about someone and growing with someone.

If a person still argues back, reacts or repeats themselves, they are not feeling heard…why?

I want love that feels like home.

My book.

My music.

My pillow.

My garden.

My coffee.

To love someone and be loved in return, like understanding your favourite painting on the wall and the meaning it holds that you carry with you every day.

When you love like that, then home is with you anywhere.

Love is the existence of present connection.