The Girl Beneath the Woman

Hello September!

What better to talk about than – ‘bring me back to life.’

“I want my spark back.”

“I want my inner child back.”

What do I mean when I say I want my Spark back?

The spark to me is feeling like I have a superpower. My self-love and self-worth that shines so fucking bright I feel invincible. Like I can do anything I put my mind to.

Where my curiosity doesn’t die.

Where I have emotional depth.

Where I am in my femininity, my independence and transformation.

My spark isn’t settling or getting comfortable. It’s always seeking life – to experience life.

I will keep finding beauty in everything around me.

To live a more meaningful life. Rich in my spirit.

What do I mean when I say I want my inner child back?

I’m talking about the girl who took her shoes off and put her feet in the water.

The girl who goes down the slide with her kid.

The girl who lays out on the grass under the sun.

The girl who jumps on the trampoline with her kids or jumps on the bed.

Growing up and becoming a parent is a lot. It is very consistent and demanding. Even just with work and adult responsibilities alone. We forget about the simple joys. Opening up to the world. Fully embracing moments and truly feeling alive. Where the inner me shines through my smile and I feel warm in my own skin again.

Do I feel safe in my own environment?

Am I relaxed or dysregulated?

My inner child needs me to trust the love and safety I provide for myself.

This means allowing myself to feel deeply, imaginative, playful, loving, hopeful and still dream.

Maybe we all long to be chosen. Like the way we are unconditionally loved by our parents. Or for some, dream of that feeling. And as adults, the feeling isn’t quite the same, and we may long for an unconditional love. A love where we feel chosen completely.

It’s ok to want to be chosen. It’s ok to want unconditional love.

That’s the thing about becoming an adult. How much we learn to survive; we stop being so open to receiving love. We become more protective, more guarded. And the little you inside craves to be held in a safe place and to be unconditionally embraced.

What I Learnt

I settled into relationships and connections where I wasn’t really growing. Depth wasn’t there anymore. Things lost their meaning, causing me the feeling of being incomplete.

I have amazing and supportive friends. But there’s a difference in connections between those who share the same thrill, drive, imagination and creativity as you do. These connections inspire and motivate you to grow. Find that tribe!

I felt uncomfortable and unmotivated in places within my home. What if we created areas in our home that hold meaning and constantly inspire you to grow or how you want to be.

What environment makes you feel at peace? And what would that look like in your home? What motivates you? How would you include that in your home?

What puts you in a playful mood? What does that look like in your home?

Creating spaces like a place of Zen, vision boards or art displayed in your home that makes you feel alive. Reminds you of your purpose, your joy, your presence.

What I’m Practicing Now

If my SPARK is about my EXPLORATION and love for life –

I'm practicing giving myself the time and space to be creative. Dress how I want which makes me feel great about myself and my femininity.

Following my curiosity and not worrying about what other people think of the things I say or ask people (work in progress). Speaking honestly brings me real connections. And this is important for the value of life I want to live.

Trying new things to expand my life experiences.

Choosing myself first by living a life I want to live.

My paintings were always hidden away. I’m always my own worst critic. But I pulled some out and put them on display in my home. It inspires me to be more creative. It reminds me of the calm I feel when I paint. Painting for me makes every other busy thought in my mind slip away. And it reminds me of little me. Creative me.

I also ask myself questions like: -

What am I curious about?

What makes me feel alive?

What am I doing purely because I want to?

We have our daily responsibilities, but I’m talking about bringing myself back into my own life – actually living and being. The desire to explore life and experiences, rather than the feeling of being of service to everyone, everywhere around me.

If my INNER CHILD is about my SAFETY and unconditional love –

I think what little me needs, is a release of the pressure; of having to do it all and keep it all together purely as an adult and a parent.

To stop trying to heal so much and let myself feel, let myself take the time, let myself cry, play and be weird.

To be rid of strict routines and live by how a moment, a connection, food or activity, feeds my soul. It’s like writing a new internal rule to yourself.

Allow myself to receive, to get the help, to accept affection and care.

To celebrate small winds and reward myself. Be my biggest supporter.

Building my own place of comfort and restoration and not finding it in someone else.

That is self-belief and safety I won’t need to worry about getting pulled from my feet.

So, I’m building from here. Listening to my inner child more to help shape my life moving forward.

I can reconnect with my inner child, and get my spark back. This is - my September goal.