Length of Lessons

“Why me? What did I do to deserve this? When will it be my time?”

We all want to be happy. To feel accomplished and fulfilled. We easily fall into the trap of our thoughts. Sometimes it feels like a kind of punishment.

But we don’t learn comfortably. In comfort it is easy to stay – to settle. But are you fulfilled?

It is in the opportunity of discomfort where we can grow.

If we are still in it, there is still more to learn – even when it hurts. The process – becomes wisdom.

Now, I look to understand my discomfort. What is it teaching me?

My marriage didn’t last. There were years of love, care and effort. All for it to come to an end. But we shared great memories. And we still shared a life. But it is now a chapter that’s closed. It was all real. I learnt a lot. Therefore, how can I regret what I gained in shared memories and experiences I grew from?!

It wasn’t just divorce that changed everything for me. It was the unravelling of everything that came after that, where I had to uncomfortably adapt and grow.

I learnt so much about myself. About relationships. About love.

I learnt a lot about self-respect and boundaries.

One thing that mattered most is how I show up as the person I choose to be.

If you can understand what hurt you, and why you acted the way you did. Remember - you can’t regret anything through learning and shaping the person you want to become from what you could only understand at the time.

Let the illusions the mind creates – dissolve. Hold your heart close to honor what you feel. That is where you start to feel the grass under your feet. If you stop living in the clouds – the fog in your mind. Everything you say and do from the heart is what truly matters to ‘you’.

Be confident and grounded with your responses and actions. Honor what you feel, that is what lights up your path.

Towards the end of my marriage - I emotionally reacted all the time.

But there was a moment I finally realized what was not aligning with me.

There were many moments to be honest. But I understand I avoided them or buried them because the person I was then, was choosing to stay. To stay committed. To care. To love. To look after my family. All up until I couldn’t feel these for myself anymore.

I was emotionally reacting because I wasn’t listening to my needs.

I did more overthinking, over analyzing and effort to the point I was on such an overdrive. My nervous system hit a full shut down.

I stopped feeling joy in my smiles. I wasn’t big on affection. I couldn’t cry anymore. I was numb. I was constantly feeling like I was in need to take a deep breath…like I was drowning in the life - I built.

But it took me to go through these feelings and realisations to be able to understand them and ask myself, is this where I want to be? Is this who I want to be?

That feeling you get when your life feels messy – that’s just the alarm that rings when you’re in need of realignment.

The potential for growth can be found in the mess. To identify, understand and address.

You find this when you listen to your body’s needs.

When you start to feel restless inside, out of place and like you’re floating through your life rather than feeling grounded. That is the wake-up call.

I am grateful to experience and know what I know now. If I go back to a moment thinking, “I could have handled that better. Said it better. Chosen differently.”

Rather than carry guilt or regret and punish myself - I reflected and reminded myself that I did the best I could for what I could understand at the time.

You are who you are at this moment.

Use yesterday’s knowledge for today’s choices. Today’s choices are what builds your tomorrow.

There are a lot of moments in my life where I felt unhappy. I overextended myself.

There have been many times when I felt I could have walked away sooner or stood up for myself more. But I didn’t. And I didn’t because I still chose to see potential. To believe. To commit. To be gentle and to try and understand. This is where I learnt about my self-abandonment.

I feel more confident in myself now to notice when I start treading down that path, that I will redirect myself. I could only know that from living through personal experience.

Our choices measure and define where we want our life to go.

Take every lesson in life as exactly that – a lesson.

Learn from it. Rise above it.

It is through our experiences that we come to understand and identify our values - and start setting boundaries. Life becomes so much clearer and more aligned when you are gentle with yourself with what you feel.

Understand why you said it.

Why did you think that way? Why did you act that way?

What was happening around you at the time?

What triggered them – and what triggered you?

If we are not gentle with ourselves, we start to let our thoughts define us, instead of taking back control of our emotions.

Let yourself pause. Let your body rest. Breathe through what you’re feeling.

You know when something no longer sits with you. You know when something needs time to heal.

Trust yourself – and that’s where change begins.

Your heart is your guide.

Your mind is your tool – use it.

Don’t be controlled by it.

Can you see now? Why we do the things we do.

We hurt. We do the things we do at times when we do not yet understand. Forgive yourself.

Move in the direction of your heart without the strings of an influenced mind.

What sits with you?

What attacks you?

What limits you?

Change your mindset from regret - to responsibility.

From guilt - to growth.

We can’t control outside forces. But we can choose what we say, and how we act.

This is where we learn. This is where we can choose to rise.

Keep your energy. People learn from watching you. Be a guide, not a slave to someone else’s uncontrolled emotions. Their growth is in their hands, not in your heart. Protect it.

We are loving creatures. But a lot of the time we fall into habits and unhealthy attachments, connecting with others in ways that are not aligned - bad timings, bad situations, old and unhealed patterns.

Rise to set the example.

Rise to show them you walk through battles to see the end – undefeated.

Because your biggest win is sticking to your authenticity. Your values. Your boundaries. Set the standard and don’t look back.

Embody your resilience and walk with confidence.

The magic is the trail of people behind you - noticing your strength and choosing to rise on their own.

Dance through the clouds in motion. Freedom – is believing in yourself.

The length of my lessons is the reason I became who I am.